Africa Wild

Really funny RP!!

South African Social Media Chameleon (Selfrightius Hystericus)










Habitat: Dense, tall, inaccessible stands of Anonymia and Ivory Tower trees. (Afrikaans - Gesigboekboom, Toringivoor)
Hystericus is entirely dependent upon these hiding places, never leaving their protection.

Description: To further enhance camouflage, this chameleon is able to instantly change colour from white to brown to black as the situation demands. Uniquely, it may even change and later revert to different nominal and cultural forms, European and African being the most regularly spotted interchangeable variants. As with many examples of the family, it is generally regarded as sedentary, slow, and socially unproductive. Selfrightius spp. exhibit all-seeing and frantically-scanning ocular systems, looking in any possible direction, mostly rearward. Vision is of the "tunnel" type, and mostly blurred.

Habits: Hystericus has a closely symbiotic relationship with the Little Blue Bird (Twitterus Tweetus), ponderously following it at all hours of the day or night, in an effort to find prey. The LBB in turn provides a regurgitated web (unusual for a bird) made from a translucent substance known to scientists as "Creeping Qwerty Performance Enhancement", which laypersons may know as "Keyboard Viagra". Hystericus uses its prehensile toes to tap on this web to attract any possible sources of nourishment.

Diet: Hystericus feeds on any seasonally available varieties of Pig (Politically Incorrect Git) (Bigotti spp.) . Once any possibly remotely viable target has been located using the web, the exhausted chameleon desperately and indiscriminately extends its long, sticky, foul and extremely toxic tongue, flailing it about rigorously and hoping something will stick.Unfortunately, the blurred "tunnel vision" often leads to the tainting of the completely unrelated Ppig (Percieved Politically Incorrect Goliath), an unexpectedly unpalatable food source.

Normally either prey is vastly disproportionate in stature to the chameleon, so energetic pack behaviour is implicit in this hunting strategy, hence the reason for all Selfrightius spp. promptly hibernating for a few months after a successful kill.


Call: Silent except for a triumphantly bleating feeding frenzy squeal best replicated as "Ikortaraysustikortaraysustikortaraysust".

Reproduction: Hystericus is too antisocial to mate, and has adopted a recent strategy reliant upon the Little Blue Bird whereby eggs are generated behind the scenes, and are deposited on the Anonymia trees by unknown donors. Hatching uniquely occurs dependent entirely upon which way the wind is blowing.

Muahahahaha!

Are you really making this up yourself, RP? This is extraordinarily brilliant!

I agree with Mel. This is fabulous, extraordinarily creative.
You seriously should consider writing a novel, etc., RP, could be your road to riches - which would open so many doors for you.

Mainly, more broads.

Thanks, Ladies, much appreciated! Love that pic, I must say!

Dunno if this will get me females, Ex!

I had missed this completely

Very refreshing and

South African Tertiary Education Cuckoon (Entitledus Guccicannin)








Although endemic, the various Entitledus spp in SA have become a plague of late, due to fertile breeding grounds opening up and a lack of predators with vertebrae. They are related to cuckoos, but live in a virtual cocoon of their own cerebral making, hence the new common name. The genus parasitises the habitats of the docile Hardworkingus Taxpayerus , like some of the other animals on this thread, not feeding itself, but taking over already available resources, as the cuckoo does, while destroying any competition in its way. We shall concentrate on Guccicannnin for the moment.



Habitat: The Tertiary Education Cuckoon infests dens known as Hallowed Halls of Leaning Backwards, rather isolated but very old areas that originally sprang up in pockets of fertile ground that later became overrun with Liver Lilies. TEC overnights in a sty called a "Residence", depending on its mood.

Plumage: TEC is a cameraman's dream, as it will always appear in its finest plumage, despite its avowed drab roots. It will not appear in bad light, as that would hide its rare range of accessories and glittering covering imitating its European contemporaries, hence the species name guccicannin. It is normally collared/tagged, with equipment provided by the various smartphone, sunglass and waterbottle companies. Should TEC lose its smartphone collar, it would immediately revert to a dormant state.

Habits: Being a parasite, guccicannin cannot function without the presence of various enabling species, besides the host. These include the Greater White-Chested Liberal Warblers (various Cluelus spp.), the Overopiniated Media Vulture (Sensationalisticus Moreimportantthingscanwaitus) and the Yellowbellied Grovelling Handwringer (Usefulidiotus Apologeticus). Also often found in the company of this bird are opportunistic scavengers like the Common Criminal Sloth (Whatthehellus Nyaopus), and the two Omnipresent Political Hyena species (Badloserus Metrous and Underperformus Malemus).

The TEC is diurnal in habit, normally surfacing after the effects of its nocturnal alcoholic intake have subsided (see Diet). It prowls its habitat uttering territorial screams to intimidate its prey and competition. This attracts the other species mentioned above, so feeding can begin.

Guccicannin only occurs in flocks of a few dozen up to 100 or so. It is entirely impotent and inconsequential on its own, relying on the "feeding frenzy" effect to achieve success, at least in its own mind. It is an extremely advanced bird, having mastered the art of using rocks, or bricks in built up areas, to dislodge its prey. The flocks can be alternately aggressive or extremely skittish, fleeing real or perceived threats with remarkable alacrity given their profound displays of dominance in the absence of said threats.

Upon being injured or sternly dealt with, Guccicannin will run to the Overopiniated Media Vulture uttering a series of subdued bleats, rising to a crescendo of indignant and outraged babbling, at times painful to the human ear. The distress call may best be transcribed as "Rubberhurtmeeee, rubberhurtmeeee...."

Upon successfully achieving a feeding frenzy and having its crop filled, it will select different random targets on an annual basis.


Diet: Guccicannin relies on a mixture of emotional and physical sustenance. It feeds on the gratification of destroying simple structures, and intimidating the young of Taxpayerus spp, and adult Usefulidiotus Apologeticus. It will not attack adult Taxpayerus spp. Physically, TEC sustain themselves with alcoholic beverages, and have regularly been seen taking down South Africa's national bird, the Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Enemies: Predators include the Toothless Cooldrink Money Nyala (Hamstrungus Ineptus). This is a nyala that has been utilised in urban areas to control the species, and is obviously more used to a vegetarian diet. Of late, most Ineptus have lost their horns due to the marikana virus, rendering them largely impotent.

The look is disgusting

Very apropriate R.P