Speaking of conversations with myself….
It can get somewhat lonely out there.
One evening I was drawn into an imaginary conversation with my newfound drinking buddy - an alcoholic moth. It kept hovering around and landing inside my glass everytime I wasn't watching carefully.
This lush wasn't even polite enough to ask if I would share. My answer, of course, would have been, "No. Get a job and buy your own booze."
I'm not making this stuff up. Well, not THIS part. There is, in fact, what is known as a Sundowner Moth (
Sphingomorpha chlorea). The adults are attracted to the smell of over-ripe fruit, beer, wine, and sherry. Seems nothing is safe from these sots.
Adults are equipped with a proboscis, (tongue or feeding tube) that is normally coiled below the head. They use this structure, extended, to drink in energy. Unfortunately, one of these winos stumbled upon my Pinotage, and had never been taught to "keep your tongue to yourself."
How do I get rid this pesky pest?
Americans have a huge hangup about entomophagy (consumption of insects by humans), but some other cultures include insects in their diets because they are incredibly nutritious. They’re full of excellent proteins and several species are supposed to be quite tasty. Since I didn't pack my famous recipe for "Drunken Moths", that option for dealing with him was off the table.
I decided not to make a big fuss over it in fear he may have his pissant buddies wire my car ignition to a hornet's nest in the glove box.
This incessant sipping got me to wondering how they fly home safely after a night of illicit imbibing?
Insect Police (a Giant Stick Insect, obviously
): "Sir, you're flying erratically, so I'm gonna have to ask you to land so I can give you a sobriety test."
"How many legs am I holding up?"
Moth: "Twelve."
Police: "Book 'em, Danno!"
Moth: "I was drinking to forget. My beloved just committed suicide. She circled several times over the flame, then went down in a death spiral. My best friend ended up at the bottom of a tequila bottle. Our neighborhoods are being overrun with earwigs, screwworms, spittle bugs, and pubic louse."
"Why don't you Insect Police go arrest the REAL criminals instead of harassing the depressed and downtrodden?"
"Sir, what criminals are you referring to?"
"Well, you could start with Robber Flies, Assassin Bugs, Killer Bees, or the illegal Immigrant population of German Cockroaches…."
Later, I realized I should have taken its picture, as it might be a new one for our AW book, but I never saw another one after that evening.
I suspect that was because word spread quickly. MADD (Moths Against Drunk Tourists, okay, so they're not good at acronyms) probably put out a flier. Literally.
ATTENTION ALL MOTHS: Just a heads up: avoid the gal in the Honeymoon tent who mumbles incessantly to herself while all we want is to simply enjoy a peaceful cocktail by the fire. That 'ol bagworm could drive anyone to STOP drinking!"
