Math?
Unfortunately, yes. It's a CONSTANT, pervasive intrusion while on vacation in SA. That should be against the law. Punishable by death.
In addition to the driving issues that had me scratching my pointy little American head during the trip, I had to constantly convert EVERYTHING, from currency to weight, size, speed, temperature and IQ (Dewey Imbecile System).
Could you SAfricans get your currency under control, please?
I liked it when it was 10 Rands/$, not the current 14. I wasn't taught the Multiplication Tables for 14 in school. At least not on the day I was paying attention.
The main problem? South Africa is on the Metric System.
The Metric System involves units such as hectares, kilometers, pentagrams, litters (plural of liter), Dog Years (equal to 2 litters), and Double-decker Busses.
Grocery shopping and cooking aren't exempt either. Consider this Metric reality: (This part is serious):
"One small calorie is approximately 4.2 joules (so one large calorie is about 4.2 kilojoules). The factor used to convert calories to joules at a given temperature is numerically equivalent to the specific heat capacity of water expressed in joules per kelvin per gram or per kilogram. The precise conversion factor depends on the definition adopted."
I suspect this is where the IQ conversion comes into play, so I don't even wanna know my score, as I have NO idea what that means.
How am I supposed to translate my recipes under this complicated incomprehensible mumbo jumbo? And just how much is "a pinch of salt" in the Metric System?
If water boils at 212 F. how much heat do I need in SA to boil an egg?
I dunno, so I only go for soft boiled eggs on vacation.
Helpful Hint: Make sure to do your cooking conversions BEFORE your pre-dinner glass of wine.
Other seemingly easy things become complicated. The car says it's 40 C. outside, but what's the ACTUAL temperature, not the foreign language one? How hot am I REALLY? So I have to convert to Fahrenheit to decide if my bitching
is justified or not.
However, I've got this outside temperature conversion down pat.
50 degrees Fahrenheit = 10 degrees Centipede. Thus, for every degree Fahrenheit, add 10.8 legs. So, yes, you are warmer, but you're also faster. Tradeoffs, they're a part of Life.
Inexpicably, two of America's National Pastimes have embraced the Metric System.
Liquor and guns. Yessiree, 9 mms and litters of moonshine (pl.) are innately understood. It's inbred, (as are many Americans).
One meter forward, one foot back, that's my beloved Country.
What a waste labeling liquor quantities!
Who measures what they drink anyhow? Especially after the first few litters. That, too, should be against the law.
And not only on vacation.
Since Western Noses have polluted much of the world with their fast food chains, such as MacDonalds, if I want to order a QuarterPounder with cheese while on vacation in South Africa I must say, "I'll have a 1.133 hectogram with cheese."
If we converted to the Metric System, would it be the same time in South Africa as it is in the USA?
And does that mean, since Florida's on Daylight Savings Time, my Gate Times are an hour later than others? I'm beginning to like the idea.
(FYI - Those opposed to metrication are derisively called "defeetists").
To be fair, most of the world uses the Metric System. I suppose I could visit a country that doesn't, but from what I have read, Liberia and Myanmar are the only two additional hold‑outs of significance. Is it worth risking my very life for a No-More-Math-Holiday?
Yes, yes it is.
Consider these classic Metric System conundrums:
* How many centipedes in an inchworm?
* What do you call an animal with 10 legs? (a Decimal, according to the Dewi Decimal System)
* An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. In metric a gram of prevention is worth approximately one‑sixtieth a kilogram of cure.
* You would no longer love someone a bushel and a peck. You would have to love them 37.9 liters.
* The noted barroom reprimand, “Mind your p’s and q’s” (pints and quarts), would become, “Mind your h’s and l’s” (half‑liters and liters).
Not so catchy, huh?
But seriously, would you rather be from a country that uses the Metric System, or one that's put a man on the moon?
Hey! Put all those middle fingers back where they belong.
